-HOME-
-NEWS-
-BIOS-
-MUSIC-
-MEDIA-ARTICLES-
-STORE-
-MESSAGE BOARD-
-LINKS-

--------------------------
RAMBLINGS FROM THE TK
---------------------------------------------

On the eve of a performance at the Castle Pub, I contemplate the question of where I stand with the music. Tonight, I am going to be doing three songs, maybe a couple more if my friends LoStar and Bishop show up. 

I was given the call by DJ Cosm (the host of Friday night's Mental Illness hip hop show on CJSW) last week to do this gig. Not having a solid crew with a solid lineup of songs right now meant that I would most likely be rocking solo...something that hasn't been done before.

Am I scared? Not really. I've conquered my fear of performing in front of people. The feeling that really is coming over me is boredom. Hip Hop just doesn't seem to be giving me the rush it once did.

Maybe its not just me. Actually, the very reason I'm performing tonight is to help spark an interest in a hip hop night called Dirty Decibels at the Castle which is on the verge of ceasing to exist if it doesn't get more people out.

At my favorite message board on SphereOfHipHop.com, the sentiment was recently echoed by a member of the group Glory. He said...

I can't answer that question and he makes a lot of good points. I've noticed in the "gimme-gimme-now-now-instant-satisfaction" culture we are falling into a lot of us, including myself- are spoiled. Spoiled in many, many ways- music is just one of them.

The lack of patience for that next musical high makes me scan over CDs quickly now when I would have listened to the entire thing before. I don't buy CDs often anymore because I can just download the songs I like. I've become more and more picky with what I like. The stuff that comes out now usually gets an "it's aiight" rating.

Personal frustration also factors into the equation. I care mostly about my stuff. Around fifty per cent of the time I listen to hip hop, its the beats or songs that I've created or helped create. I so desperately want to release something of the highest quality, but I find myself battling between the motives of making music for the people or making the music for myself. 

The Glory member hit the hammer on the nail when he said that the audience is usually "friends". Out of all the fans of the C.O.T., I know the vast majority is made up of people we know personally.

Is it possible to become well-known without being on a big label? Yes- with hard work. But then I am faced with the questions "Do I want to become well known?" and "Do I want to put in hard work?"

Success doesn't come without a price, and I'm just trying to figure out where I fit in within this culture of hip hop. What do I want out of it? Should I just write about it? Should I just listen to it? Should I just produce it? Should I just rap? Or should I do all of the above?

I have all these plans...but too much thinking has been bogging me down from even a acting a lot of them out (well, that and laziness).

Maybe hip hop is like a relationship with a woman as Common is so famous for describing in his song "I Used to Love HER".

In that case, when I first heard it and started making the music, it was like a crush on a beautiful woman. Then I started dating and married this woman. During marriage, the relationship changed as I got used to her (and expected more from her), but that doesn't neccesarily have to be a bad thing. 

If it is a relationship, then it must be me that has to adapt to the changes, realizing it won't ever be exactly the same as when I first started doing it, but it can be something special nonetheless.

LPG questions the same thing in one of their latest tracks, "Remember". The crew, who must be close to or in their 30s, questions where their love and passion for the music has gone.

It's funny because I'm only 20 and I'm feeling this way. I haven't come close to reaching the peaks I would like to.

What has kept me in the music? Why is it so special to me? 

I believe the answer IS people. Hopefully tonight will show me a little bit more of that, rekindle the flame.

Till' next time y'all. Peace and God bless!